| Excerpt
from an article for a medical journal |
Original version:
Histiocytoma is a tumor with mesenchymal etiology, whose primary orbital
form is very rare. (1) Although it is a benign tumor, there have been
written--in a few cases--it's metastatic forms too. This article
describes the case of a female patient with this tumor which had been
extirpated successfully and without any recurrences till now. The
disease had been appeared with a chronic sphenoidal and maxillary
sinusitis. At the same time there are described the latest concepts
about these tumors' etiology, classification and their treatment. |
Revised version:
Histiocytoma is a tumor of mesenchymal etiology.
Very rarely, it may originate in the orbit of the eye as a
primary tumor. Although it
is usually a benign tumor, there have been a few reports of a malignant
form. This article
describes the case of a female patient with this type of malignant tumor
which had been extirpated successfully and without any recurrence for 5
years. The disease initially presented with symptoms and signs of
a
chronic sphenoidal and maxillary sinusitis.
This article also describes the latest
information on the
etiology, classification, and treatment of these
tumors. |
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| Excerpt
from an essay for an undergraduate health class: |
Original
version:
There are few reasons Bob Smith is so healthy. First of all,
he eats well balanced meal every time, such as frash vegetable salad, all kind
of fresh fruit. Second,
he enjoys to exercise reguarly, such as play baseball or tennis. He usual walks from his house to an office. In addition, he gets enough
rest and wakes up proper time. He has, more over, several good habit, such
as no smoking, no drinking coffee and alcohol. Because of his responsebility
and doing best, he gets along well with coworkers and very popular. He
finishs everything to do in working hour because he is always in good
condition... |
Revised version:
There are several
reasons that Bob Smith is so healthy. First of
all, he eats well-balanced meals
every day, such as fresh
vegetable salads and
various kinds of fresh fruit. Second, he
enjoys exercising regularly, such as
playing baseball or tennis. He usually
walks from his house to the office. In
addition, he gets enough rest and therefore wakes up without
difficulty at the proper time. He has, moreover,
several good habits, such as not
smoking and not drinking coffee
or
alcohol. Because of his reliability and the
fact that he always does his best, he gets along well with coworkers and
he
is very popular. He finishes
everything he needs to do during
the day because he stays
in good
condition... |
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| Excerpt from an
instruction manual for installing a ceiling fan:
|
Original version:
The important safety
precaution appearing in this manual are not means to cover all possible
conditions and situations may occur. It must understood that common sense,
caution and carefulness are factors person(s) caring for and operating the unit. |
Revised
version:
The important safety precautions
in this manual are not meant
to cover all possible conditions and situations that
may occur. Persons caring for and operating
the unit are expected to use
common sense and caution. |
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| Excerpt from a business memo explaining the benefits
of buying a new computer system: |
Original
version:
Computers which is the latest product technology has made to
process information in a faster and easier way. Also to be able to
retrieve or make changes on an information without going too much
hassling. |
Revised version:
The
latest developments in computer technology have made
processing information faster and easier than ever before. Retrieving information or making changes to it is
hassle-free. |
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| Excerpt from
a personal letter to Anna Jones, an aid worker: |
Original
version:
Dear Jones,
First of all I
would like to thank very much for your kind massages, I have a
little bit delay to reply because of New Year holiday is coming soon
too, by the way, I and family here are OK, the works still have to do as
normal.
I watched in TV
and saw many people around world they are getting suffer and I feel happiness you are going
to help them over there, this is your heart spirit!!!
God will blest
you of what you have done with people a round world, in including my
country. On be half of people I would much appreciates of your kindness
to help us in the previous time.
Again, in coming
New year, I would like to wish you and your relations to meet a good
chance in all your life and with the prosperous life. |
Revised version:
Dear Anna,
First of all I
would like to thank you very much for your kind messages.
I have been somewhat delayed in replying because the
New Year's holiday is coming soon. And
by the way, my family here and I are
OK. Work is the same as usual.
I was
watching TV and saw many people around the world suffering, and I am glad to hear that
you are going
to their countries to help them. You
have such a good heart!
God will bless
you for what you have done to
help people around the world,
including my people. On behalf of
them I would like to express my deep
appreciation for your kindness in helping
us during our recent difficulties.
Again, in the
coming New Year, I would like to wish you and your
family good luck and prosperity in every aspect of your
life. |
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| Excerpt
from a message on an internet bulletin board to request research assistance: |
Original
version:
Dear
Sociologists,
It's
Hasan N---.
I am M.A. Student in Sociology at University of ---. I
am in middle stage of my research and at this moment,
I am having problem regarding literature review. The number of
information here is very nil. Now,
I ask your kind help,
whether by referring me to/sending me different essays or introducing
me a website through which I can receive pieces of information.
One more.
I would like to build rapport with fellow sociologists worldwide to
exchange views and ideas.
Hoping for early replies from my fellow members.
|
Revised
version:
Attention
Sociologists:
I am an
M.A. student in Sociology at the
University of ---. I am in the
middle stage of my research, and I am
having problems with
the literature review because the information available here
on
my topic is almost nil. I thought I would post a
message on this board, hoping someone could help me.
I would like to ask for
your help in finding relevant articles or
websites where I can find some
information.
In
addition,
I would
be interested in communicating with fellow sociologists
who might be
interested in an on-going exchange
of ideas
about the field.
I look forward to hearing from you soon. I greatly
appreciate your help.
Hasan N--- |
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